blogging for my baby

I write this to memorialize my 2nd child’s birth and new life. She is already 2 months old and I wish to go back in time to be pregnant again and re-live the joy of feeling her inside my belly with hiccups and kicking around. I was extremely sad after I had my son, with overwhelming sadness of wanting him to still be inside my tummy. Of course eventually overcame this. When I became pregnant again 6 years after that, I tried to tell myself to NOT feel that way again, knowing that life goes on and pregnancy is only temporary. But oh how I wish it could last longer–I seem to be the only one to feel this way along with a friend of mine, it seems like everyone wants to get their pregnancy over with.
When I went to the doctor on july 19 and she tested my amniotic fluid and confirmed it was leaking and said i had to get to the hospital right away, I cried–not because I didn’t want to see my baby and know if it was a boy or girl (I refused to find out beforehand even though my husband wanted to know)–but because I wasn’t ready to give up the feeling of kicks and hiccups and closeness I will never feel again. I entered the hospital and began getting antibiotics @ 9:38 am. Doctor came to break water bag fully around12:30; couldn’t walk any more and was confined to bed after that, very uncomfortable bed. At 2pm they began some pitocin for a short time and afterwards I asked for the epidural because I could not get comfortable in the bed and couldn’t move around. I was still just 6 cm dilated after being already to 5 from the previous Monday. I called a coworker at 4:21 to tell her to pass the word around I was asking for the epidural and didn’t know when the baby was coming since I was only 6cm. The very second I hung up the phone I had a major contraction that must have sent me to 10 cm and so the nurse was called for who confirmed the head’s location and the dilation amount to be what was needed! My doctor barely got there and I needed to push. “Let me get the gloves and robe on” she exclaimed! I felt such a strong urge to push (remember I asked for an epidural but didn’t get it). I think I pushed about 4 times and said I was going to pass out. My husband put a cold rag on my head, my sister insisted I wasn’t going to pass out and the doctor said no way was that happening (I love my doctor and am so glad she got to deliver the baby). At 4:41 my sweet girl tzs was born, just 20 minutes after telling my coworker that I didn’t know when the baby would be born! It was so quick and i am very glad I didn’t get the epidural so I felt how it is to give birth w/o medication. I did get something afterward while my doctor stitched up my tear. I nursed my baby and held her until they took her to the nursery for the necessary workings. She was 8 pounds! I couldn’t believe it. I remember that I kept telling God thank you that she came out healthy and I was ok too.
Now she’s 2 months old already. She’s big. And I want her to be small. Oh how I wish to go back in time so she could be smaller again. I know I’ll eventually get over these feelings.
She drinks only breastmilk and is gaining weight nicely. I love to watch her drink the milk from me, it’s so sweet to see. I don’t understand how some mothers choose NOT to nurse the baby! It’s the best experience ever, even though it hurt immensely at first. She’s sleeping 3 hours at a time nowadays and even did a 6 hour stint one night. Her hair sticks up all spikey like and it’s adorable! Her tummy is chubby along with her legs. I love her so much!
Some nights she’s up more and nursing every couple of hours; she’s not consistent at all. she’s done some smiles for us and it’s so cute. Of course she was making these faces @ 3 weeks but nowadays they seem more real. The noises she makes crack me up. They are funny grunting and groanings while she sleeps and stretches. It’s so funny. I love to hear them. And then she makes the funniest faces when she wakes up! She is so sweet.
During the pregnancy I threw up every single day from dec until july 19, the day she was born and i was rarely hungry. Now with nursing her I am hungry a lot! That’s good because I’m told I need a lot of calories to nurse a baby. And in my pre-pregnancy life I’m usually never hungry either.